Why i love gay spinning teachers.

My greatly anticipated return to the gym happend this week and what better why to be introduced back than to have a gay spinning teacher. For once i am not going to bitch about my gay amigos, but praise.
The teacher was a stocky guy with a shaved head (balding actually) who was pretty fucking brutal when it came to teaching spinning. At one point he was bending down at my pedels calling and shouting, "GO HARDER!" almost as embarrassing as when my manager told me i would never be able to fo BFI. Lets see what Kelly Rowland has to say about that.
Well anyway, when i first saw him i didn't think he was gay, but then his choice of music came on. ONLY for me to hear a mixture of Madonna, Lady Gaga and Queen. STILL unsure of his sexuality as of the shaved head and powerful teaching method, i was sold when he started singing along to 'Vogue'. Mystery solved.
I think he was one of those, 'Im gay but im still a manlier man than you'll ever be' gays.
It literally was like Gay Pride hit the gym. Thank god i didn't have Grindr i think my phone would have exploded, and its new, i dont want that.
Only i would get a phone that you only have to talk into for it to do things. Cant even be bothered to press the keys.
Im going to try and keep up my gym classes, especially spinning, i think its my favorite class cos its the only thing i can do better than Sandra.
OH yeh, Im also running 5k on Sunday in fancy dress. wtf am i doing??
whatever.

Get Skinny xx

Why you shouldn't forget your towel (From an English woman's persperctive)

Whereas I only realized that I forgot my towel when I was already fully naked, an English rose would notice before as she NEEDS the towel to undress herself.

The English lady goes to the gym with her best friend. The BFF has a towel. To share a towel with her is not even an option (It surely makes you lesbian as havin piece of cloth touch your fanny after hers means you've had sex). What does a classy English rose do?

Dry herself with a hair dryer. Yes, it's Friday and she's changin into club clothing but she is blow drying her hair to get rid of the sweat.

Gurrl............Ya REEEALLY think ya're Sistas for life?? See Kelly Rowland wud share wid Beyonce like HEEEELL YEH.

I bet a tenner that your 'friend' will 'lose' you on the dancefloor(stink bomb).

Why you shouldn't forget your towel

I'm Finnish and have no problem with nudity. More people have seen me naked, than seen me wear trousers. It's not because I'm happy with how I look naked, it's because I've been brought up surrounded by nudity and KNOW that everyone looks shit naked.

When I first started goin to the gym in London, I was lost in the changing rooms trying to find the showers. I needed to ask for directions. 'It's there, right behind you'. I turn around, it's the room I've been walking past a few times as I thought the cubicles were TOILETS. The showers in Finnish gyms are big rooms with multiple showers. There you stand bum to bum, judging each other's cellulite and getting to know who's bra is padded and who's not. I bet even the prisons in England don't have showers like this.

Well the changing rooms in London gyms are awkward places. You see women struggling holding their towel up and putting knickers on at the same time. That's why everyone stares at you, because you look stupid and are about to trip, not because they're lesbians.

I've noticed that the further South you go, the more protective people get of their bodies. Today I was at Lewisham gym. Well, they're zumba teacher might be a tranny but I bet that makes those Big Mummas go church one extra time a week, cause they like no white booty in their face! The moment I take my bra off and reveal my pierced nipples, I have people changin lockers from near me. When I'm fully naked, I realize that forgot my towel.

What to do now? My options are:

a) Go to the shower in my bra (Ok this is not even an option AS ENGLISH WOMEN SEE THIS AS COMPULSORY)

new a) towel myself with the clothing I was wearing
b) towel myself with the clothing I'm about to wear

You see, both options suck. I don't want to stink of sweat and I don't want to wear wet clothes. Also, I'm already naked SOOOOO

I see the walk to the showers as my runway. left, right, left, right, pose. I shower. I leave the shower (past the 'please towel yourself' sign) with wet footprints. I'm at my locker soakin wet. What do I do now?

The same as dogs do wet. Or what you could also call it:

THE BEYONCE RAINDANCE



Putting clothes on when I over hear these two girls who probably are best friends. One of them is getting changed in a corner which can be isolated with a curtain(why you guys have these in your gym goes beyond my brain capasity...) an she's to her friend like 'promise you're not gona watch!!'. Gurrl................YA THINK KELLY ROWLAND AINT SEEN MAMA B'S PUSSY????? YOU AINT NO FRIENDZ IF YOU AINT SEEN YA SISTA'S PUSSY I'M TELLIN Y'ALL



My BFF.

Get skinny x

New week, new body

Fitness Fail has been in coma. Food coma.

We've been busy pourin pringles down our throats (yeh like our hands would fit in those tubes...). Flick has gone so far he's thinkin JustEat.co.uk are makin fun of him askin for his postcode everytime when they SURELY know it cause they've been visiting him twice a day.

However. Today I changed my ways. Am on this diet called 'No men, no carbs, no alcohol'.

Means unlimited amount of lesbians, quark and water. Shit loads of body combat which is this wicked class where women pretend killing males with imaginary swords. I'm allowed five meals a day. 'Meals':

Morning: Porridge with milk
Lunch: 1 can of tuna, pot of cottage cheese, half a cucumber and 3 tomatoes
'Snack': Pot of quark
Dinner: See Lunch
'Snack': See 'Snack'

2-3 hours between every meal. 'Meal'.

Ok. Can't take all credit. I didn't come up with this diet. Only re-named it.



This is Jutta Gustafsberg, the woman behind it. Finnish of course. She decided to become a body builder after her husband died in a boat accident. Guess she started to miss stroking abs??

Get skinny xxNEEDNOMANxx

I havent died of high cholesterol

Being fat and looking good is starting to become a problem.
Ive got to the point now where i only leave the house in baggy jeans and a jumper. For the life of me i cannot find a piece of clothing that looks good on my Moomin physique.
So, what i do? Go clothes shopping. What do i buy? Accessoires. Even when i try to get new clothes i still cant find anything that fits/looks good/isnt£££££.
I seem to have accumulated so many necklaces, rings, hats and bracelets its unbelievable. I DONT EVEN WEAR BRACELETS. And as for the rings, they are a risky business. One day they fit, the next they dont.
In fact, the only accessory i ever wore was a necklace that went over your whole body, it was called a harness by the manufacturer. It was quite cool, id wear it when i went out to snazz things up a bit. Ive been out in it quite a few times with Sandra, only for her to tell me recently tell me that it makes my boobs look bigger. Oh the joy. What am i too do? I thought accessories didn't have a weight limit? I suppose i was wrong.

Get Skinny xxx nothingfits

hate my life 2

Shaved off a chunk of my finger nail when shaving my vagina in the gym shower. Another reason for why I love being a woman, another reason I love going to the gym.

I've had enough.

hate my life

This post is written honouring International Women's day. Let's call it 'Why I love being a woman -period thru my gym shorts'

That is enough for this time I think. And yes, no pictures.

Get skin....Nah just give up