Tuesday, 29 May 2012


= Fats Fighting Summer.

Thanks for the weather Jesus. Like fat people didn't sweat enough already.

On top of that, my entire wardrobe is black. Even black shorts are too hot for this weather, so imagine having fat legs and not being able to go outside bare legged. Black tights it is! My room is so fuckin hot that my eyeliners have dried out. What to do when you are fat, and not being able to fix the only thing you have, your face? Stay inside. Happy fuckin Summer skinny bitches. I'll keep cruising on my online dating sites! EDIT: Lesbian just asked if I'd join a threesome. I said No thanks. Then she said: There was one condition anyway: For you to lose some.

Can't go to the gym cause this heat has given me blisters in my knee joints. 'Shame'

Get skinny x

Friday, 18 May 2012

gym obstacles

If it wasn't hard enough to drag your fat ass to a gym class, the gym class is full of obstacles.

1. Glasses

Not yours, some idiot's. We run around in circles, you in constant fear that she will drop them and you'll stand on them.

2. Babies

Not yours, some idiot forgot to use contraception. We run around in circles, you in constant fear that you will push her and cause miscarriage.

3. Fat people

We run around in circles, IF IT WAS POSSIBLE BUT BECAUSE OF THE LACK OF SPACE YOU'RE FORCED TO POWER WALK INSTEAD.With a fuckin elephant toe constantly in your face.

I'm basically saying that if it wasn't for people with bad eye sight, bad sex life or bad carb habits, I'd already be in my ideal weight. My diet atm is called 'Next week'

'Get skinny' xxxxxxx(killyourself)

Friday, 11 May 2012

Get skinny xx

I love going to the gym. Before I found it a bit drainig, as I kept thinking what the point was to have a nice body, when I have no one to touch it. Then I realized that I can touch it! Too bad I'm the only one who seems to see the difference: Yesterday I was clled fat by a lesbian n a dating site after I said no to a threesome. 'There was one condition any way', she said, 'for you to lose some!'. Then a girl on my course said I have the perfect face. That I could do face modelling. In other words, she too, did call me fat.

This is what in my mind has happened:

You see.This little spot on your waist. I didn't have that before. I was putting my porridge in the microwave thinking what the point was to be on this shit tasting diet, it clearly isn't working. When I put my hand on my waist. And started screaming, no lies! That spot there, it just and just fits your hand! It's amazing!! Then I went to my room to eat my porridge. Finished it. Rested my hands on my thighs. Started screaming again. For the first time, my hands weren't sinking into my thighs.

And yeh forgot to mention my ass. It's amazing too. There's a new curvature starting to take place it's all abit exciting.

I went out the other night and for the first time I had both females and males approach me (usually it's only females). I doubt it's the diet though. Must be the fact that my hair is finally growing out from a bowl cut. What is worse than a fat person? A fat person with a bowl cut. Love the gym so much right now that I'm fearing for the blog: It's not funny anymore if we actually get skinny. But then again, there's also Flick, so don't need to worry about that too much.

(will post this photo back up soon lovvvv youuuu, flick)

Monday, 7 May 2012

The way my bootie goes.

My contribution to this blog has a simular to my love life.

My lack of love has given me the time i needed to look back on old photos of me. Bad move when you've done nothing but gain weight the last few years. I can no longer use the excuse, 'im big boned' because i've seen the photos of when i had a waist.

Tilt your screen forward, I promise you can see an arse outline.
And below, I actually have cheekbones. Groundbreaking.

Well anyway, being single and fat has been a struggle recently. Last month i was so strong, i even said to Sandra, 'I think i could wait until im at least twenty-five before i even need a man.' WELL THAT CHANGED.

Im struggling.

Im starting to take steps to become an eligible bachelor.
Firstly, stopped buying my underwear from Tescos. Instead I've upgraded to the David Beckham for H&M undies. You know you've done a good job when a fat person says your underwear is comfortable.
But I could do without the giant silver statues of David Beckham, they are making me even more self-conscious.

Although shopping in H&M has its down sides. When putting a XL hoody on the counter and the cashier treats it like a bed sheet when folding it. Took him three attempts before he could correctly fold the 'metres' of fabric.
The most awkward three minutes of my life.

But yeh, I had a moment thinking it would be possible to be fat and have a boyfriend. But discovered it only applies in extreme cases. Every.effort.backfires. Weight lost is the only way and the DC-Diet is your guide.

Get Skinny xx becauseallyoureffotsareworthless

Friday, 4 May 2012


Ok so I'm currently on this diet called DC. Yes, it's named after Destiny's Child, cause only a sistah can relate!

I was talking to a guy at the club. Until he says: 'Wait. I wrote to you on a dating site. You never replied'

WHYYY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME. Everything was going so well! Must be the cut I got inside my hand once. I have a scar crossing my love line.

Ok so, despite the world crashing awkward moment, the evening carried on quite nicely. In fact we went to mine and had sex. Then he left. In the middle of the night! I've never felt as more of a dissapointment to my Independent women as in this moment. Sleeping alone in wet sheets, so wet I was cold! This is how the movie Titanic would be if it was based on a true love story!

The DC-diet is easy. You just listen to Destiny's Child. Constantly. Cause every part of your life has its own tune:

'Independent women' is about becoming a lesbian
'Survivor' is about period pain
'Lose my breath' is about walking up stairs
'Say my name' is about dyslexia
'Bootylicious' is about being fat (My body's too bootylicius for you=No one wants my body)

Additional rules:

1) No men. This is the corner stone of this diet and shall not be broken. In any,I say ANY, circumstances.
2) No alcohol. Cause it makes rule number one pretty much impossible.
3) Grow your hair. Imagine Beyonce with short hair? Also, growing your hair is easy cause you've stopped drinking. The main reason it was short anyway was because it used to be covered in vomit all the time.

And to all my single ladies (Ironically, Beyonce was very much the most un single lady when this song came out! How many rings do you really need Mama B(itch)!) When nothing fits: Wear nail polish!