Friday, 4 May 2012


Ok so I'm currently on this diet called DC. Yes, it's named after Destiny's Child, cause only a sistah can relate!

I was talking to a guy at the club. Until he says: 'Wait. I wrote to you on a dating site. You never replied'

WHYYY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO ME. Everything was going so well! Must be the cut I got inside my hand once. I have a scar crossing my love line.

Ok so, despite the world crashing awkward moment, the evening carried on quite nicely. In fact we went to mine and had sex. Then he left. In the middle of the night! I've never felt as more of a dissapointment to my Independent women as in this moment. Sleeping alone in wet sheets, so wet I was cold! This is how the movie Titanic would be if it was based on a true love story!

The DC-diet is easy. You just listen to Destiny's Child. Constantly. Cause every part of your life has its own tune:

'Independent women' is about becoming a lesbian
'Survivor' is about period pain
'Lose my breath' is about walking up stairs
'Say my name' is about dyslexia
'Bootylicious' is about being fat (My body's too bootylicius for you=No one wants my body)

Additional rules:

1) No men. This is the corner stone of this diet and shall not be broken. In any,I say ANY, circumstances.
2) No alcohol. Cause it makes rule number one pretty much impossible.
3) Grow your hair. Imagine Beyonce with short hair? Also, growing your hair is easy cause you've stopped drinking. The main reason it was short anyway was because it used to be covered in vomit all the time.

And to all my single ladies (Ironically, Beyonce was very much the most un single lady when this song came out! How many rings do you really need Mama B(itch)!) When nothing fits: Wear nail polish!

1 comment:

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