Tuesday, 17 September 2013

A FooL's apology

I work as a waitress. Try being on a diet when you're surrounded by burgers!

I'm a crap waitress. That's cause my relation to food is a fat person's. I don't particularly enjoy food, I don't even taste it. I just eat. Men objectify women, I objectify food. I don't have feelings for food. I eat when I'm bored. I'm no better than the men who never call me back. I'm a Food Lover. Shortened FooL. A FooL's booty call is opening the fridge door.

This is why up-selling, a skill crusial to a waitress, is something I suck at. Example:

'Wanna add some mayo? Cause....it matches your shirt?' I cannot separate a taste, therefore not describe one. I THINK PEPSI AND COKE TASTE THE SAME GOD DAMMIT.

'Try our Azul Rita! It's......blue!' A FooL describes beverages with outer characteristics. Just like men describe women.

Once I told a customer that our salmon is served with spargus. 'I love spargus!' she said and ordered that dish. When she asked for the bill, I had a quick look at the unfinished plate. And quickly realized that the veg I thought was spargus...... is actually called broccoli. A FooL doesn't memorise names of food they eat. Just like men.


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