Tuesday, 6 March 2012

FFS

=Fat, Furious and Single.

All fat people are desperate. I used to think that it was quite desperate to have a profile on a dating site (read five). Until I was about to delete mine, but couldn't do so without giving a specific reason. I had to choose from a list with reasons like 'I found someone'.

Well, the most suitable for me was 'I give up'. I clicked on it, doing the L sign on my forehead at the same time.

Now there's no thing I'd classify as 'desperate'. You know you're desperate when you pay to travel for someone to spread your thighs and touch your vagina. You heard right, team FFS went down to Brighton!



I was well prepared.

''me: fuck im afraid im on my period 3.3

flick: gona have a christina aguilera moment in your casting

me: more like a scene from ER. ''

So I had to get the pill to change my period cycle. Of course I wasn't on the pill before: no need as fat people do not get laid. Scenario from the health centre:

-oh so you found a nice boyfriend to have regular sex with?

-nah the only thing goin into my vagina is clay

*awkward silence*




The cast of my vagina was meant to feature on the Great Wall of Vagina- exhibition, but when the artist asked me 'Sooo, where are you from(you do undestand how difficult small talk was in this situation)? and got 'Finland' as the answer, he became happy. It came out he's next vulva showcase, is gona be one where there's one fanny representig each country.

He asked me if I wanted to be Miss Finland.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS MEANT TO ME. The reason behind all these attempts of losing weight and growing my hair, was of course to one day become Miss Finland. Who knew, that all it took, was just to pull your pants down!



There she is! Miss Pussy Finland. An overall good representant, as Finnish design is known for it's simplicity, clear lines and functionality. An inner beauty (literally).

Get skinny *boysrememberfatgirlscanhavenicevaginas*

5 comments:

  1. What is a Christina Aguilera moment?

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    Replies
    1. She got her period when performing at Etta James's funeral.

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  2. The wholeness of our character does not add up to a weight, but to a community of which the whole is healthier and happier when the parts are healthy and happier. Healthy isn't a weight, it's a whole person, body, mind and spirit. Your blog made me sad and angry that someone, anyone could stop on only one characteristic and dub themselves an overall failure. But on the art aspect, I've seen a penis cast before, but never a vagina (it actually looks like a vulva) cast. Pretty interesting. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. You don't look fat. Seriously. You're sexy. I wish you'd fly to Minnesota. This mid twenties guy would spread those legs and make you cry with joy

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