Thursday, 22 March 2012

Why you shouldn't forget your towel

I'm Finnish and have no problem with nudity. More people have seen me naked, than seen me wear trousers. It's not because I'm happy with how I look naked, it's because I've been brought up surrounded by nudity and KNOW that everyone looks shit naked.

When I first started goin to the gym in London, I was lost in the changing rooms trying to find the showers. I needed to ask for directions. 'It's there, right behind you'. I turn around, it's the room I've been walking past a few times as I thought the cubicles were TOILETS. The showers in Finnish gyms are big rooms with multiple showers. There you stand bum to bum, judging each other's cellulite and getting to know who's bra is padded and who's not. I bet even the prisons in England don't have showers like this.

Well the changing rooms in London gyms are awkward places. You see women struggling holding their towel up and putting knickers on at the same time. That's why everyone stares at you, because you look stupid and are about to trip, not because they're lesbians.

I've noticed that the further South you go, the more protective people get of their bodies. Today I was at Lewisham gym. Well, they're zumba teacher might be a tranny but I bet that makes those Big Mummas go church one extra time a week, cause they like no white booty in their face! The moment I take my bra off and reveal my pierced nipples, I have people changin lockers from near me. When I'm fully naked, I realize that forgot my towel.

What to do now? My options are:

a) Go to the shower in my bra (Ok this is not even an option AS ENGLISH WOMEN SEE THIS AS COMPULSORY)

new a) towel myself with the clothing I was wearing
b) towel myself with the clothing I'm about to wear

You see, both options suck. I don't want to stink of sweat and I don't want to wear wet clothes. Also, I'm already naked SOOOOO

I see the walk to the showers as my runway. left, right, left, right, pose. I shower. I leave the shower (past the 'please towel yourself' sign) with wet footprints. I'm at my locker soakin wet. What do I do now?

The same as dogs do wet. Or what you could also call it:


Putting clothes on when I over hear these two girls who probably are best friends. One of them is getting changed in a corner which can be isolated with a curtain(why you guys have these in your gym goes beyond my brain capasity...) an she's to her friend like 'promise you're not gona watch!!'. Gurrl................YA THINK KELLY ROWLAND AINT SEEN MAMA B'S PUSSY????? YOU AINT NO FRIENDZ IF YOU AINT SEEN YA SISTA'S PUSSY I'M TELLIN Y'ALL


Get skinny x

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