burpe bruise

Ok so apparetly Jessica Alba lost her baby weight by doing burpees. Like she even gained weight but yeh back to the point:



I do not get muscles by doing them, I get bruises??? What is this??? Burpees are as effective for my body as burping is. Or not exactly, as burping means the food you eat ain't SHIT!!! (Yes I do mean you, cottage cheese fuck off I HATE YOOOOU!!!)

Get skinny or dieeee

Teachers are life insured?

There's nothing more annoying, than when doing a gym class the teacher asks you to SING THE LYRICS OF THE TRACK! LIKE WTF YOU SERIOUS??? Your face is red, your shorts are so sweaty it looks like your bladder exploded, YOU CAN BARELY BREATHE AND SHE DARES TO ASK YOU TO SING???? Not everyone is born Beyonce ok??

The teacher shouldn't do this. Like for her own safety. The majority of the class are female, their punches won't do much harm. But there's always one of these big guys, who think they are kentaurs because they lift their knees higher than you or they reach the ceiling when jumping. It's like they're not realizng that they're actually doin a women's class. Until Rihanna's 'Only girl in the world' starts playing. And the teacher asks to sing along.

This is the part where I get nervous. Especially, because this guy doin Sunday morning Body Attack classes with me looks like Breivik the Norwegian island killer.



Get skinny or die xx

(S)ome (P)athetic (A)sshole (N)ear (X)tinction - so he may as well try and look skinny

Ive had one of those weeks. By that i mean. I havent been to the gym once.
Ive been ill! wanna know why? PIZZA HUT!

Ever since me and sandra had pizza hut last sunday i've been ill! its so not cool.
The universe is punishing me for eating pizza.

Well... Since i cant do exercise this week i had to invest in some body altering under garments. aka. SPANX.

Yes yes, i know they are made for girls but WHAT CAN A BRUTHA DO??
I forced sandra to buy them for me at the till and the cashier continuously asked if she wanted to try them on as there were no refunds. They were clearly too big for her so i think the cashier was just being nice. It was still fucking awkward as sandra kept looking at me every time the cashier asked a question.

Well anyway, they were pretty expensive and pretty shit for that price. I wore them cycling and then again ice skating. The joke is i wore them with a coat over the top, so kinda made no sense?
Well anyway, ill show you some pictures to express my feelings...

How i felt

How i probably looked (THIS IS NOT ME) omg

When you wear them they will automatically give you bigger looking boobs. Great news for a girl. not so much for a boy. They also will give you love handles in every direction. But hey, you know what they say. Men love something to hang on to.

ANYWAY, when i got home and took them off i had laddered them... JOY TO THE WORLD, i guess even Spanx have a weight limit. Next time im getting them from Primark.

Get Skinny xx

the skinny curse

For those of you that did not know, it was Sandras birthday recently. So to celebrate i baked her a cake (i know were on a diet but its her BIRTHDAY)
Ill show you how here:

Yeh, its Charmander from Pokémon. Amazing i know.
Me, Sandra and some friends from work sat down on a saturday night to eat some cake and wish her a happy birthday. Then the next day me and sandra has a Pizza Hut pizza. (whoops). Non the less sandra had a good birthday.
Prior to her birthday she had lost 2kg and had a date with a guy, he stood her up. The day after we had pizza hut Sandra weighed herself. she had not only not lost any, but had gained weight! no surprise after the weekend. The joke of this is that, she then got a date with a different guy after she had gained weight. So WHAT? Guys dont like skinny girls??? what is this??

Lesson: Guys dont know what they want.

Get Skinny xxx

None of this post means anything to a boy. fuck sakes. 

means i have to stick to my diet....... urg!

Fuck

It takes a lot of will power for a fat person to go to the gym. And once I got there, they said my class was fully booked. See? God hates fat people!

I was too embarrassed to just leave, as the recceptionist had already signed me in. I went to the changing rooms. I was getting changed. Until I was like 'Who the fuck am I kidding??'

Because fat people tryin to exercise on their own using the machines, look like this:



I sat in the changing rooms for an hour. Then took a shower. Just so that the receptionist wouldn't think I've given up on life.

Get skinny xx

Digital age of abuse

So yesterday i was on Facebook, as usual. (Its basically my second home, sadly.)
I saw others doing this quiz, so thought i would too. I DIDNT REALISE THE ANSWER COULD BE RUDE! So yeh, i did it and accidentally clicked submit twice, and got two shit results. As you can see to your left.
Really excited for the rest of the year........................

Its a bit like when Sandra asked me if i wanted to go with her speed dating,  I said no on the fact it was speed dating and involved the word speed.., and then she told me the details....
Basically. its a speed HATE type night but instand of talking normally to the person you are sitting infront, you instead tell them all the things wrong with them.
Yeh, ill defiantly pass.

http://www.feelinggloomy.com/page.php?id=40
- for those nut cases in London who LIKED the sound of that... there you go... Info is up there.

Lesson Learnt: Don't rely on a computer for sympathy. It wont tell you you're pretty.



Get Skinny xxx

dat a$$

So i have descided i wanna be curvy. A bit like a male Kardashian. But not like fat curvy, sculpted curvy.
Unlike Kim, 'I love food.' May as well be saying, 'I love satan.' Which is not ok.
i feel like NO men have this!? Just a small waist and then bigger thighs? Am i wrong in thinking that would be AMAZING?
I cant find any pictures online so ill show you with my magical drawing and cropping skills.

Get Skinny xx