Stocking up Spanx for summer

Already four months in and still haven't reached my target weight and if I'm honest i think Ive gained. My best bet is pretending to be skinny by wearing my spanx everyday as if its my own skin.
That would be an amazing idea if after a long day at work i didn't take them off to find a bruise on my penis... yeh, that's right, my penis. Biggest shock to a man is finding ANY mark of there manhood.
THE JOY OF WEARING SPANX MADE FOR WOMEN. Who knew they literally only fit vagina's.
This is what i get for breaking the 9th commandment. 

By the fact i haven't lost any weight, I think its time for a new diet strategy. If i stay true to my diet inspiration and only work on my arms, everybody will presume my fat is muscle, problem solved. All i need now are protein shakes.
Although i do agree with Sandra, a shake without ice cream seems a challenge.

Ill be doing weights in the gym with guys and making some MAN friends, fuck the fact i have about twenty hundred girl friends. Although it might get a bit awkward in the changing rooms when after my shower I'm forcing on some spanx. I don't think straight men take to kindly to that kind of behaviour.

I'm excited for the bench press competitions with the lads and challenging each other to who can do the most. I'm especially excited for when Sandra gets jealous and decides she can do it better than me and ends up with bugling muscles. Although drinks down the pub will be awkward, ill be drinking cranberry juice whilst they're drinking pints. Nothing says gay like cranberry juice.

I will regret this one day

And if I'm honest i don't think they make me look skinny enough for it to be worth having a bruised penis every day.

Get Skinny xx becauseallyoureffortsareuseless