How you know it's time to go on a diet

The first time I started thinking about losing weight was a year ago. When I broke a toilet just by sitting on it. And got 12 stitches on my ass. Someone up there had a bizarre way telling me I'm fat.

Today I broke a toilet again. I was on my way outside London to have sex with a guy from an internet dating site(thanks to photoshop, fat people do reproduce!!).
I used a coach toilet. You flush it by pressing your foot down on a pedal below the seat. I did that while washing my hands. In a second I feel pee water on my legs. I was like FUUUCK and prayed the water would stay in the cubicle. I go back to my seat. How come I even thought that God would answer fat people's prayers? In every turn the water flows over the seat hitting windows. I'm like THIS AINT HAPPENING. Until we go down hills and the water flows thru the aisle to the driver's seat. The bus reaches its final stop and I'm like 'oi should maybe inform the driver?' But there's a twenty head queue of people about to enter the bus so I think to myself 'it's best I run'. Cause I felt that someone might call my embassy to have me deported.

Honestly it was like Titanic.


Only thing I do at KFC nowadays is blow drying my feet.

Get skinny xxx