Saturday, 18 February 2012

This body didn't come for free!

Being a kid is hard. Being a fat kid is harder. You just were born and already hated, as you first rip your mum's vagina. AND THEN it comes out you're too big to still fit out, so her stomach has to be scalpelled too. No day passes by without your mum reminding you of why she can't wear a bikini.

Being a kid in Finland is hard. First you have to ski to school. Then you have a free lunch (potato, reindeer, lingon berries) with dessert (more lingon berries). All before 10.30AM and less than two hours after you had a proper Finnish breakfast with porridge and lingon berries, egg and open sandwiches(This body surely didn't come for free!)

Imagine a queue of Finnish seven year olds in matching reindeer skin boots. Holding their plates steady, as waiting for their time to grab some fish fingers. Piece of paper saying max. 2.

Max. 2? Kinda makes sense in a Britons head maybe when a Finnish kid logically shouldn't even be hungry, but it's 3 hours til we get food next time! And the next lesson is 'Skiing'!! I swallow my pride, take only two fish fingers. Go to my place. Eat them. About to get two more. Surely no one saw I've already eaten?

Go to the fish finger counter. I meet another shameless kid who is tryin to secretly get some more. She takes three fish fingers. I'm in shock. I tell her: 'Hey can you read? (We were seven, maybe she couldn't) You can only take 2 fish fingers!'. She tuns to me: 'That only means on the first round. Surely'.

That was Hallelujah to my ears. If you succeed to eat two fish fngers on round one, the sky becomes the limit. I start placing fish finger after fish finger on my plate, til no fish fingers can fit anymore. I the end they're 14 in total (I already had 5 potatoes and a pile of lingon berries). I go proudly to my seat. My proudness did unfortunately not go past unnoticed. The head teacher sits down next to me:

-Sandra. What is this!
-I'm hungry (Really I wasn't, this was all about winning the other girl. Finnish elemetary school version of Mean Girls)
-You better eat all of that! Think about the kids in Africa!(Now this is a typical saying in Finland to teach kids to finish their plates. This works as we have no black kids. We've only seen them on TV and we know they're starving. Question is, would they even want to eat Finnih food??? Do you know of any Finnish food restaurants outside of Finland??? The don't exist...for a reason)
I sit there quiet. Little did she know.....That this was no challenge.

Teacher now knew to never mess with me again.

Get skinny xx byeatingmorepussythanout