Wednesday, 29 February 2012

A week of events told by me

You would think given my absence this last week i would have lots to tell you. The sad but true reality is, i don't. I'm still single as fuck and my work out routine is in decline.
So, as you all know it was London Fashion Week last week and accordingly i didn't have time to go to the gym, it ended last week and my infamous return to the gym still hasn't happened, i'm starting to realize i cant blame to fact it was Fashion Week any longer for not going to the gym.
This time last week, Wednesday night, me and Sandra went out in London, and i'm gonna tell the short version of this story. A disgusting looking guy came up to her and starting flirting (she still hardly knows any of this btw) he tried to kiss her etc, Sandra was resistant. After about five minutes of his failed attempts I ended up getting in a fight with him. Started by me. I kept telling myself to only reason i got into a fight was to protect Sandras honor, but really i think it was because she was getting attention and i wasn't?

On the subject of attention, I joined Plenty Of Fish. A dating site. Still haven't got any messages even thought i joined a week ago and have a bad-ass profile pic and description. Anyway, the point of me telling you this is as follows; I sent a guy a message on it because i saw he lived in the area i grew up in, "Hey, I find it so funny when i see people on here who are from where i grew up, so cute." Of course i got no reply. Now a week later i get on a bus in 'from where i grew up', am on it for about five minutes and then look to my left and see, none other than the guy who ignored me on POF, honestly the feeling of wanting to die was unreal. Lucky i have different hair to the style i have in my pictures on the site so maybe he didn't recognize me?

Lesson Learnt: If you fat, your fat. Not even a dating site will get you a boyfriend.

Sandra hasn't seen this either... Thats him.

Get Skinny xxx

Sunday, 26 February 2012

There is a God?

Diet doesn't include the word 'die' for no reason. Vegetables have made me so fuckin depressed I'm thinkin 'what's the point??' The heavier you are, the more quicker and painfree it is to hang yourself anyway.

This week has been so bad. I've been trying to book gym sessions, but classes keep gettin full in no time. Then when I try to go to a class you don't need to book in advance, TFL fuck me up (twats for life????) and I get there when the class finishes. Today(MORNING CLASS, EVERYONE KNOWS HOW MUCH FAT PEOPLE LIKE TO SLEEP) I got to gym in time. And the class is cancelled!

I go to Mcdonald's. Staying strong thou mad at the world. Get a chicken salad. Start eating it. Enjoying it, but when I finishe I was like wait a minute....THERE WAS NO CHICKEN IN MY SALAD. (You know you're fat when stuff like this happen. Me and Flick used to live together, when we had dinner we couldn't tell if it was ham or chicken we ate. Food starts to taste the same.)

Seriously Jesus??Is this what get for paying tax to the church??? Are you having a laugh???

Then I get home. Watch Only way is Essex and they discuss this:

Camelflage underwear to prevent you from getting a cameltoe for only 19.99. There is a God after all.

Get skinny xbygointothegymwithoutacameltoex

Saturday, 25 February 2012

A Day Of Romance

When i say today has been a day of romance. I literally mean it was worst than valentines day. The worst part is is that it was always against me.

A new guy started at work today, we all got introduced to him and then at the end, "Oh yeh, its Rachels boyfriend." soooooo great i now have to see public displays of effection around where i work. But that wasn't the worst of it. I had to share a break with him and Rachel. Yeh, that was a whole 30 minutes of watching them share their sandwiches and kiss while i sit on the outskirt.
So then later on in the day, im talking with my friend and I started going on about being alone. She then tells me, oh yeh, by brother is gay too. I was like. oooooohkay? She then discribes him; rich, blonde, muscular. I was their like, WHAT? Why havent I met him? Then her next sentence, "Oh, and his boyfriends name is Alex." I actually almost cried. (fyi my first name is Alex).  Literally EVERYONE has a bf but me. #KillMeNow.
Why is God always reminding me of how single i am!?

When i got home i text Sandra, 'Fuck gym, I hate life, I gonna go eat chips. Its the dieting persons equivalent of hanging themselves.'
Well anyway, Im going to Hampton Court tomorrow, theres nooses there right? Also, i've convinced myself i fancy gingers, my way of trying to find someone in my league.

Get Skinny xx weblamegodcoswedontwanttoblameourselves

Friday, 24 February 2012

A Fashionable Fail

Now that London Fashion Week is over, i can officially get back into my normal routine. In that sense i mean i havent been to the gym once this week. I havent felt this fat in a long time.
But since im free and i can think straight once again i am going to tell you another one of my childhood stories, it kind of adds on from the last one so you may want to refresh your memories of it first.

When i was a kid, lunch time was the best time. Knowing that i had a hour a day whilst at school totally committed to food was amazing.
My mum is known for making shit lunches but sometimes on the odd occasion she would pack Pringles and chocolates and all manor of amazing foods. Last time this happened to me i gave it all away out of confusion. This time, I was not making this same mistake. So, there i was in my seat with a tower of food to get through. The excitement was immense. Thus I begun making my way through my lunch box.
As i was coming to the end of my feast, the last few crisps, something happened. My chair broke beneath me and I fell to the floor like a beached whale. It was not my finest hour. This is what God does to fat kids. Be warned.

Get Skinny xx

Wednesday, 22 February 2012


So i was thinking at work last week about something. Sandra had told me that she had seen a box that said 'pens' and thought it said 'penis'. I had seen the same box, and must admit, i had to double take. It thought it said penis too. Then it hit me. How ALONE must we be to be seeing the word penis where it clearly is not.

Well, as Sandra said, Its London Fashion Week and being the 'fashionista' (5inchanddown) that i am. I am helping backstage at some of the shows. Yes, thats right, even fatties get let in backstage, but backstage only. Now, tomorrow is gonna be hard, i am dressing for the Mens Shows. Me in a room, full of naked men (i know i always am when im in the gym changing room) BUT this is different, they are models! Luckily i will be wearing my Spanx tomorrow which will be too tight to allow any sort of 'crouch malfunction' ill walk in backstage single and come out with a brand new model boyfriend, i know it. Ha, but seriously, ill still be single as fuck this time tomorrow night.

Anyway, talking of crouch malfunctions I shared a taxi with model Alex Dunstan yesterday, he is a nice guy. But as i was getting into the taxi i slid across the taxi seat and my jeans ripped! WHAT! only this would happen to me!! My jeans rip infront of a famous model. fml. i deserve to be single?

Tip: make sure photos come out blurry so no one can see your real weight.

Get Skinny xx fashionweekisthebesttimetobefat

Tuesday, 21 February 2012

Camel toeing through LFW

London Fashion Week! What a fabulous time to be fat!

In honour to that, I'm introducing all jeans that give me a camel toe. Remember, when Paddy called Amy Child unladylike when explaining to him what a camel toe is?

*Awkward silence*

Well.... I do, which is pretty sad. Tells probably of how big of a part Camel Toe is in my life. The only thing touching my vagina *mentally breaking down when remembering that you're fat and single*

To the point. First of all, have to say, I had to use a hanger with clips as my trousers were too big for a normal hanger..

In no particular order:

All cool people own a pair of Cheap Mondays. Own. Doesn't mean you have to fit into and wear them.

These bad boys are soo tight down there! I can only wear them with a long shirt. I wore these jeans at work, on the day I was given a work t-shirt. FFS. Rest of the day I slided between shelfs(Like the library scene from Harry Potter playstation game!)(*Awkward silence* We fat people know our video games), walking backwards. Serving customer's with my back towards them.

Cute? Maybe one day...

2015.Let's be realistic.

One of those 'Oh nice pair of baggy jeans' and they don't fit above your knees.

What you do with jeans that cannot fit above your knees. Make shorts out of them.

Too bad you cannot cut away a camel toe.

After wearing these my lips are as blue as the shorts are. The other lips.

And this camel toe.......Is famous in Finland after appearing as a one page size image in the newspaper:

These I do wear. They do give me camel toe, but it's not as in your face because the shorts are black. The label is named 'Bitches and junkfood' so the camel toe might be in the pattern, no?

Ok. That's all my camel toe jeans. With other words, all my jeans. *sigh*


These shorts are STRETCHY. STILL GIVING ME A FUCKING CAMEL TOE. Hope flames are still in fashion year 2015. OI 3rd of March I'm getting my vagina casted. SO stay tuned for the stripped down Camel toe post!

Get skinny xxx who are we tryin to fool? fuck fashion week, happy pancake day!

Saturday, 18 February 2012

This body didn't come for free!

Being a kid is hard. Being a fat kid is harder. You just were born and already hated, as you first rip your mum's vagina. AND THEN it comes out you're too big to still fit out, so her stomach has to be scalpelled too. No day passes by without your mum reminding you of why she can't wear a bikini.

Being a kid in Finland is hard. First you have to ski to school. Then you have a free lunch (potato, reindeer, lingon berries) with dessert (more lingon berries). All before 10.30AM and less than two hours after you had a proper Finnish breakfast with porridge and lingon berries, egg and open sandwiches(This body surely didn't come for free!)

Imagine a queue of Finnish seven year olds in matching reindeer skin boots. Holding their plates steady, as waiting for their time to grab some fish fingers. Piece of paper saying max. 2.

Max. 2? Kinda makes sense in a Britons head maybe when a Finnish kid logically shouldn't even be hungry, but it's 3 hours til we get food next time! And the next lesson is 'Skiing'!! I swallow my pride, take only two fish fingers. Go to my place. Eat them. About to get two more. Surely no one saw I've already eaten?

Go to the fish finger counter. I meet another shameless kid who is tryin to secretly get some more. She takes three fish fingers. I'm in shock. I tell her: 'Hey can you read? (We were seven, maybe she couldn't) You can only take 2 fish fingers!'. She tuns to me: 'That only means on the first round. Surely'.

That was Hallelujah to my ears. If you succeed to eat two fish fngers on round one, the sky becomes the limit. I start placing fish finger after fish finger on my plate, til no fish fingers can fit anymore. I the end they're 14 in total (I already had 5 potatoes and a pile of lingon berries). I go proudly to my seat. My proudness did unfortunately not go past unnoticed. The head teacher sits down next to me:

-Sandra. What is this!
-I'm hungry (Really I wasn't, this was all about winning the other girl. Finnish elemetary school version of Mean Girls)
-You better eat all of that! Think about the kids in Africa!(Now this is a typical saying in Finland to teach kids to finish their plates. This works as we have no black kids. We've only seen them on TV and we know they're starving. Question is, would they even want to eat Finnih food??? Do you know of any Finnish food restaurants outside of Finland??? The don't exist...for a reason)
I sit there quiet. Little did she know.....That this was no challenge.

Teacher now knew to never mess with me again.

Get skinny xx byeatingmorepussythanout

Thursday, 16 February 2012

Boxin' (not the exercise)

All this talk of Valentines Day is actually depressing me, to the point im feeling to go to the doctor for medication. Especially the fact my hair is now ginger ISNT helping. So, im going to dwell on some childhood memories to get my mind off all the chit chat of love.

Being a kid is hard. Being a fat kid is harder. When I was at school, naturally my favorite period was lunch time. Regardless of the fact my mum would always make shit sandwiches accompanied by a piece of fruit and the cheapest brand crisps. One day lunch time rolled around, as i did into the lunch room hall.

I opened my lunch box and was amazed and overwhelmed to see a box of Pringles, sweets and no fruit in sight. Then i thought, this must be a mistake! It was no special occasion why would my mother put such luxury food into my box?? I then i thought that i must have have picked up someone else's lunch box by mistake! Struck with guilt i started giving all the tasty foods to my friends (you will find this is the best way  to make friends in primary school...) It was ok because it wasn't my food to begin with...

That night when i returned home I confronted my mother, asked her if she put that stuff in my lunch box. She said she did. She did put that food in my lunch box. That was one of the worst days of my childhood.

Oh right, yeh I forgot, that wasn't a happy memory. *Sigh*, still indefinitely single.

Theres another treat of a photo for you from Valentines Days, my aloneness all got too much i thought the only thing that would fix it would be to lie on a bus stop floor. It didn't work. 

Get Skinny xx

Fuck Valentine's

Valentine's day. One of those days that you only need to wake up,and the entire day is ruined. That is, if you're normal weight. If you're fat, single and as Flick, bleached his hair and now ginger, your entire week is ruined. Then it goes back to your normal everyday, which sucks pretty bad too. In Finland Valentine's is re-named to 'Friendship day', as the suicide rates are high enough already.

We decided to go to this trashy lingerie themed night. I like to not wear trousers, mainly because trousers never fit me. The night sucked. We thought this was the place we could espace happy couples. So wrong we were!

This is before....Before we decided to get McDonald's. Fat people need some love too and the only love we receive is the one from chicken nuggets.

(you know you're fat when your hair is the same color as chicken nuggets)

After the nuggets. In fact: 20 nuggets, some onion rings, a large banana milkshake, a double cheese burger, a mc chicken sandwich(Flick is checkin his waist line) and a mcflurry later.

In the morning we felt pretty shit. Flick's rings didn't fit his finger's anymore. In fact, when we compared our club stamps from last night, his was a lot bigger. It was like his hand had become fatter overnight.

Then we went to have some Indian all-you-can-eat cause we hate ourselves. Flick was gona tweet 'Havin Indian curry. Whoops' but then dropped hs phone in the curry. Whoops.

You know you're fat when a 'One size fits most' tiger costume is tight. You know you're fat, when you dress up as a McDonald's worker for Halloween.

Get skinny....:(((((((((

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

Skinny bitches

I was a cover girl recently!! 5inchandup might be skinnier than me and feature in the same magazine issue, but it was me who made the cover! When our blog gets bigger than hers (theres no space for two Finnish Sandra's in ANY CITY. Especially if one of them wears size 14 jeans) we're changing our blog name to


Because it's Valentine's we're gona share our top 3 skinny bitches to hate (5inchandup doesnt quite make it,her hair is too nice)

3. Nicole Sherwzinger. She doesn't even deserve her name correctly spelled. On US X Factor she had to make a choice between this amazing, amazing 14 year old Rachel Crow and some mediocre dude. She couldn't do it. You know why? BECAUSE RACHEL IS FAT. It went to deadlock and Rachel was sent home and Nicole became the most hated woman in America. You should youtube this.

2. Tulisa Cunt-antavlos. Tulisa called Misha B a bully on UK X Factor. We all know it was because Misha was fat, and not a bully. Let's think about it, how can a fat kid even be bully? They are the ones bullied!

1. Kesha. Me and Flick went out clubbing and Tik Tok started playing. We both ripped our jeans in the crotch area. God called us fat thru Kesha. Kesha better not ever become a judge on X Factor.

Get skinny xx tonotbealoneonvalentines2015

Saturday, 11 February 2012

If you say Jesus backwards it sounds like Sausage.

So i just found pictures of Beyonces baby Blue Ivy online. This kid doesn't even know what its install for...

Well, I for one wish my mother was Beyonce (sorry mum) maybe if i lose enough weight i can steal the baby and replace her. Just have to fit into the pram......... 


Get Skinny xx 

Friday, 10 February 2012


Going to the gym is annoying, not because you have to work out, but because you always have to carry around a huge fucking towel. It makes your bag look huge like a Japanese schoolgirls.
So, i decided to fuck the towel and pay extra so i could get the towel hire service at the gym. Goodbye huge awkward bag.
Well, i was given the towel and then did my work out, got it out of my locker to take a shower, it was the size of a tea towel.. It doesn't fit around my body... I almost cried. ITS. SO. SMALL.
The worst part is that every other man in the changing room is wearing a gym towel with ease, as if its the biggest towel they own.
My new fitness goal its to fit into a Fitness First towel. I suppose everyone is just gonna have to see me naked until then.
HA, which reminds me. I was in the movies with Sandra watching a new film and at one point a girl who just moved in with a new family gets naked and jumps into a public lake for a swim. Someone from the family come out and screams at her, "GET OUT THE POOL, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU! YOU CANT SWIM NAKED!", Obviously, Sandra being finnish saw no problem with swimming naked and has done it before. She just sat in her seat a said 'omg' with her head down as if the whole room was judging her. haaa.

Well hey, at least i dont share my locker room with Muma Rogue.
Get Skinny xx becausethefatstayfat

Thursday, 9 February 2012


Flick. has. lost. weight. Nintendo wii would still call him overweight thou, but nintendo wii can fuckin try to do some get fit with mel b herself. AND to not get squashed by Muma Rouge!

Flick said it feels good doing zumba without his boobs slapping his face. Having my boobs slapping my face while doing zumba is something I've dreamt of my entire life. Flick haven't finished making fun of my lousy woman parts(only way he can make himself feel good as a man for having bigger ones) yet:

Flick: If you didn't have feet, would you still wear socks?
Me: Yes.
Flick: Argh you were meant to say 'No'
Me: Why?
Flick: So that I could've said 'Then why do you wear a bra?'

ALSO. Beyonce called aaages ago, as she wanted to be a part of the blog after giving birth... We said no. SO SHE DID ALL BY HERSELF. BETTER THAN WE'LL EVER BE CAPABLE OF. Where the FUCK IS THE Get fit with Beyonce class???

Get skinny xxbutonlyaftergivingbirthtoilluminatixx

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Nike Town

So i want to write you a post about my visit to Nike Town; however, a small 'weight' related comment came up in the bank today that I need to get off my breasts, oh. I mean chest.

I was in the bank yesterday, had to sort out a money transfer. Because it was a lot of money i had to sit down with a worker so he could make sure it wall all legit. He says to me:
"Can i see you id please?"
I hand him my driving licence. He stares at it for about five minutes whilst looking up to check it was me.
"You look different in this picture." he said.
Me: "Oh, How so?"
"Well, you look skinny."
My mouth literally hit the floor. Which i presume answered his comment.
 So fat people dont have a past?? I WAS SKINNY ONCE YANO.
I had to show him another form of id before he was satisfied it was me. Never been so offended before in my life.

But LEAVING THAT BEHIND ME (and that fucking bank) on to Nike Town.
Me and Sandra had just done Mel B class at the gym, we decided we wanted to go shopping and get some new sports gear. We headed to Oxford Street and went into NIKE TOWN ohhh yeh. It was funny.
We looked like two penguins walking around the Zimbabwe, out of place. It was clear to everyone around us that we had no idea what we were doing.
The only reason i wanted to go its because in my magazine i saw that if u get these leggings it helps you loose weight on your legs quicker. They cost me 40 quid. Kinda sucks that weight loss has such a price.
If you're poor AND fat then i feel really sorry for you. But i wont lie, they are amazing (regardless of the fact that one of the seams burst the other day... whoopsie.) im just too bootylishus for my own good.

Lesson learnt: Why bother posing for a photo when the viewer is gonna call u fat anyway.

Get Skinny xx

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

How you know it's time to go on a diet

The first time I started thinking about losing weight was a year ago. When I broke a toilet just by sitting on it. And got 12 stitches on my ass. Someone up there had a bizarre way telling me I'm fat.

Today I broke a toilet again. I was on my way outside London to have sex with a guy from an internet dating site(thanks to photoshop, fat people do reproduce!!).
I used a coach toilet. You flush it by pressing your foot down on a pedal below the seat. I did that while washing my hands. In a second I feel pee water on my legs. I was like FUUUCK and prayed the water would stay in the cubicle. I go back to my seat. How come I even thought that God would answer fat people's prayers? In every turn the water flows over the seat hitting windows. I'm like THIS AINT HAPPENING. Until we go down hills and the water flows thru the aisle to the driver's seat. The bus reaches its final stop and I'm like 'oi should maybe inform the driver?' But there's a twenty head queue of people about to enter the bus so I think to myself 'it's best I run'. Cause I felt that someone might call my embassy to have me deported.

Honestly it was like Titanic.

Only thing I do at KFC nowadays is blow drying my feet.

Get skinny xxx


I bought a foot file.

Unwrapped it. Started using it. It breaks in half after approx 3 seconds.

Who knew even foot files have a weight limit?

Sunday, 5 February 2012

Muma Rouge

Gyms classes are know to be difficult. Especially when the instructor is a fan of 'The Biggest Loser', the TV show.

Me and Sandra regularly attend the Get Fit With Mel B class at our gym, its kinda amazing, constantly doing squats, jumps, skips and bends. I am actually the runt of the class. Its so fuckin hard! The instructor always tell the guys to do more while im there going at the girls level, and still struggling. One thing you'll learn doing a gym class is that girls have amazing coordination.
WELL, this week, we had a new member, Muma Rouge. No word of a lie she is Big Momma in real life.  As glamourus as the name may be, she was anything but. She couldn't do none of the moves, aint no jumps (apart from the one she did that almost crushed sandra.) and most certainly no weights. It was refreshing to see that i wasnt the slow one of the class again. Of course being so overweight you cant do a gym class properly (ironically, the fat stay fat and the skinny get skinnier).

As the class progressed, she didnt. The instructor started going seriously Biggest Loser on dat ass and shouted at her to lift weights. ALL I KNOW IS IF A BRUTHA DID THAT TO ME DEM WEIGHTS WOULD BE ROUND HIS NECK. But yeh, it was sad, she clearly couldnt do it. What made it worse was that Sandra started laughing mid class, which made me laugh. Then the instructor kicked her out the class. Kinda wish he didnt, i was enjoying not being the shittest.

Class over, showed and got dressed. Me and Sandra meet outside the changing room, she tells me, "you know that fat lady in our class? well, she was just in the sauna. FULLY CLOTHED, shoes nd all!" - i'll let you process that information however you like. And then later saw her in the supermarket talking to  the chocolate section. Weird? or inspirational?
Long live Muma Rouge. We will be hearing more from her yet.

The reality isn't this fabulous 

Get Skinny xx mumarougeiswatching

Friday, 3 February 2012

Dieting aint easy!!!

Continued from last post:

1. Can shampoo make you fat?

Chemicals (for example phthalaes) found in shampoo can mix your body's hormonal balance and therefore make you gain weght. In a long-term study, it came out that the heaviest girls have the highest amount of phthalates in their urine.

2. Can heating make you fat?

Experts say many of us now keep our homes so cosy that we no longer have to burn as many calories to naturally warm up our bodies. If the body is already warm it does not need to convert a ‘brown’ fat known as adipose ­tissue into energy to generate heat, the London University study said.

3. Can giving head make you fat?

The average ejaculate, laden with between 200 and 300 million sperm, amounts to about about 5 calories.

These are derived from protein, including enzymes, and sugars (mainly fructose) secreted into semen by the prostate gland to provide the sperm with the energy to swim.

Other 'ingredients' present in semen include :

Vitamin C
Citric acid
Phosphate and bicarbonates, to regulate acidity

For comparison, a greasy cheeseburger contains over 500 calories, so to equal one junk-food attack you'd need to gulp down over 100 ejaculates.

Well. Cheers to that?

Getskinnybygivinghead xx

Thursday, 2 February 2012

Blowjobs make you blow up?

Ok so. I've been on a diet for a month now. Haven't lost a pound. I've given up my social life, I've missed lectures because of zumba and I've eaten healthier than a rabbit. And I still weigh as much as when I ate chocolate a.k.a was a happy person!

So I started to seriously think about this. Cause a sista ain't doing anything wrong!

a) Can you gain weight on shampoo?

b) Can the heating in your house make you swell up?


Do I have to give up givin blowjobs?

Oh well. New month, new opportunity. Me and Flick really think February has our back. It even has an extra day to lose weight this year!

Get skinny xx

My locker room love story

The best thing happened at the gym today, maybe i am not going to be alone forever.
I had finished Zumba and went to the changing room to shower and get dressed. Once i got out the shower there was a guy getting dressed near my locker, he was really cute, dark wavy hair, athletic body, sexy tattoo.
Of course being naked (yes, i got over my not getting naked at the gym thing) i was super shy and had to move a few steps away from him to get dressed. I had just got dressed and was trying to spray deodorant under my arms. The can was almost empty so was making that exhausted sound. The guy (lets call him TDH) then looked over at me and opened his mouth, "Would you like to use some of my deodorant." he said in a deep tone. I slightly chuckled and and accepted the offer. admittedly i fancied him.
 It had a smell of peppermint and camomile, very romantic. As i passed the can back our hands touched. We both looked at each other and apologised with a smile. At this point i was beging to wonder if he was being slightly flirtatious?
Well, I was ready to leave and nodded goodbye to TDH, he smiled.
I went upstairs to reception to ask if Sandra had left the gym without me, she had. Then, i see him again, TDH was coming up the stairs ready to leave, he sees me and asks if my friend left me, "yeh." i replied in a sad tone. He then asked me, "Do you wanna walk to the station together?" THIS IS AMAZING! Of course i accepted his offer. I was now fucking happy Sandra left me. We talked all the way to the train station, he is so amazing! finally, a man isn't repelled by me. Well, I have a date on next week, im so excited. Looks like i wont be alone for Valentines Day!


Just so you know, all of the above happened in my head. He was just a man i saw at the gym. I was alone in the changing rooms. I will be alone next week, and I will be alone on Valentines Day.
Just me, my cat, and vodka shots.

Get Skinny xx cos its the only way your not gonna be alone forever.

Wednesday, 1 February 2012

Leyton logistics

I need to let you guys into a little bet me and Sandra had on, as im not sure we told you on the blog, only on our Twitter... 2 weeks ago i bet Sandra that i would be able to go to the gym 5 times a week the next week, and if i didn't, the consequence would be that i had to wear net shorts to a club. Leyton was one of the gyms i said i attended that week.
On with the story. A few days ago i was set on going to the gym after work, i had a spinning class on at Leyton Fitness First, TFL said it would only take 20 mins to get there from Hackney. The class started at 7.45 and i left work at 7. Well i'll be blunt. i missed the class cos fucking TFL lied!!! Why cant London be a nice, pint sized city like Helsinki??
So once i was at the gym i was confronted by a large black man behind the desk, 'you've missed the class sir.' dare be it i question his deep tone and try to attend the class anyway. I went to the changing room to use the toilet and was then going to leave as i did NOT plan to use the machines alone. i walk into the rest room to see the FATTEST MAN ever shaving his face, belly nd all clearly on display, at least if this was a gym i was ever attending again i wouldn't have to worry about taking off my shirt. Not to mention the fact he was wearing a wedding ring, WTF??
Anyway, this gym was so gross, grotty, full of chavs, and just genrally somewhere i never want to go again.
I left the gym and instantly called Sandra, i told her about how shit this gym was and how i missed my class and how it was my first and last time going to it! But that i thought she would like it cos it was full of black men.
The only thing she said to me,


"I thought you went to that gym before, you tellin' me you didn't go to the gym 5 times 2 weeks ago?"


Two words: Net. Shorts.
So, im fucked. Sandra found out that i lied and didn't go to the gym 5 times. The worst part about this? I TOLD HER!
Dammit. Looks like i have to wear net shorts out the a club. this will be the worst moment of my life?
Im starting to realise that the only way i will be able to go the gym on days i work will be by going really early in the morning! Kinda sucks. But in the words of my friend Rosie: 'The only excuse for not going to the gym is if your have aids.'
So i guess i dont have a excuse. fuck.

Get Skinny. xx